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Sunday, March 16, 2003 

heartache and headache

Last Sunday, I spent quite some time on the phone with her. I told her something that she didn't want to hear, but something that would have come sooner or later. We went through our whole "why we can/can't/should/shouldn't be together thing" one last time. Time to stop being pseudo girlfriend and boyfriend, she decided.

Can't treat her special any more. She said she'd call when she feels ready. And that we'd call less often. Her computer has been down, so that means I haven't chatted online with her for some time. I don't know if she's gotten her computer back 'cos I haven't heard from here since we last talked on the phone on Sunday.

Why all this? Because I fancy someone here in Melbourne. Someone who's name I shall not mention because she's the second part of my tumultous 'lack-of-love' life. I've been out with her alone as a friend a couple of times. And on a semi-aborted date (was planning to go somewhere but the weather was threatening, so we ended up at her place - so was it still a date?). She's also been to my place for dinner (two Tuesdays ago)... and from then on, things have gone downhill for some reason or other.

I have no idea why. She readily agreed to go out on that date with me. (And for once in my life, I actually said "Go out on a date with me" as opposed to "Go out with me" - which to some people is all the difference between dating and going out as friends.) Then before I knew it, the weather changed.

Anyway, it's been next to impossible to get to talk to her in person, or even on the phone or online. There's this awkward silence every once in a while. And whatever I want to say, or want to find out from her, I want to do it face-to-face.

To help things, I've been ill. Tuesday evening, I felt the cold and sore throat coming. I dread that, 'cos I know what's going to happen. Surprisingly on Wednesday, the cold wasn't as bad as I expected, but it was a cold nonetheless. I shouldn't have played tennis at noon under the hot sun.

Thursday. Still had a cold and a slight sore throat. Went to the loo in the morning, and suspected I was going to have diarrheoa. Was already having a headache in the morning, and feeling feverish. Went for classes nonetheless. After dinner, I went to the toilet five times.

Friday. The cold and sore throat had more or less disappeared. After taking medication for diarrhoea the night before, I went to the loo in the morning. And I haven't been back since. Spent the day combating my headache. Decided I couldn't do the session. Asked Sister Theresa to take over. She got Felicia to bring me some crackers. When Felicia hugged me, she said I was definitely having a fever. And when she hugged me before leaving, my fever had subsided somewhat. I was really thankful for her visit. Made up for the disappointment of not being able to play squash. Oh, and she made porridge for me too!

Anyway, for the first time in a long time, I was home on a Friday night in Melbourne. That was a truly strange feeling.

I couldn't stand the headache anymore, so I took a couple of Panadol tablets before I slept. I'd been avoiding that 'cos I have an occasional reaction to it. Results in swelling under my bottom eyelids.

Saturday morning. No fever, no headache, no swelling, no diarrhea. Still felt week from all the water I've lost over the past few days. Decided to go support the COSDU Games Day.

Ended up taking part. Obviously, I wasn't able to take part fully, I was goalie for both captain's ball and street soccer. Still, I looked more or less fine. Apparently, Sister Theresa - the Chaplain - might have overstated my condition on Friday night, so there were quite a number of raised eyebrows. Well, I was dehydrated and not 100%.

In the evening, there was dinner at my place. Brian, Michelle, Lydia, Alison, Sue Lyn, Justin and I. It was supposed to be an experiment for COSDU's food stall at the upcoming Night Market. We had loads of pie.

Oh, and Bacardi Breezers and ice cream. (No, not together.)

This morning, I find myself not as good as when I woke up on Saturday morning.

Reminder to self: Fully recover before doing anything in the future.


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